Erin Akin Carroll

Thank you all so much for your encouragement on yesterday’s post. I was absolutely terrified to publish that post, and it was extremely difficult to write it. So thank you for the “me too!” moments. Truly.

Today I’m sharing my specific goals for creating white space in our home and in our family. I’d love to hear what some of your goals may be.

Clean it out! All of it.

The paper. The clutter. The closet. The bathroom cabinets. There is stuff that were are not using ever, and it needs to go.

Clear the calendar.

This month, so far, has been fantastic. When friends have asked to schedule a play date or a friend unexpectedly came to town, we’ve been able to go. We’ve been focusing on relationships and community. These are the things that matter to us as a family. Our family mission statement is to be a blessing to others. We can’t bless others if we’re all running around all the time.

Create a plan for when we move to the new house.

All of our belongings are currently in storage. When we see everything again for the first time in a year, there may be moments of pure shock. We certainly don’t need it all, and I need to make a list of what I know we can donate.

Organize and purge the toys.

There will be an entire post written on this topic, but I think everyone can agree that children play better and appreciate their toys more when they have fewer toys.

Make time.

I am coming up with a little plan to create more time in the day. This means waking up earlier and cutting things out of my life. The whole purpose of this exercise is to have more uninterrupted time with my kids, but I’d also like a good twenty minutes to myself.

Wake up earlier.

This goes with the above goal. But this goal is for the sole purpose of spending time with the Lord early in the morning. To make praising Him be the first thing I do each day. While sipping coffee, of course. Baby steps.

What are your goals to create white space?

This is Day 8 in 31 Days of Creating White Space.

One of the first goals I want to tackle is the closet situation.

We have a small closet here at Todd’s grandmother’s house, and it’s bursting at the seams. Our closet in the new house will be a bit bigger, but that’s not really the point.

There are things in my closet that I haven’t seen in months. They’re hidden in a sea of clothes. They were purchased on impulse. They mean nothing to me.

So why did I buy them? Not because they were cute. Not because they were on sale. But, really, why did I buy them?

Here’s where I’m trusting you. I’m praying that we’re all friends here so I can get a little bit vulnerable in my space. It’s gonna get ugly, complete with some ugly cries while I write.

I have some serious self-image issues. And I buy the clothes so I can hide.

Because, in my mind, if I’m wearing new, pretty clothes, I can hide behind them. People will see my clothes and not the body that shames me.

I know. Those words make me cringe. But they’re the truth.

When I was 16 years old, and a senior in high school, I went with a friend to her older brother’s apartment to pick up something that she needed. I don’t remember all of the details about the day, but I do remember that when we walked up to the door, there was a sign hanging up that said,

“Girls who weigh 130 pounds or less are welcome inside.”

I have no idea what I weighed at the time, but I’m 5’8″ and I was probably a little over 130 lbs.

And ever since then, that was my number. I knew it was ridiculous. It hurt me to read it even then on that door. But it became my number that I strived for.

I’ve hit that number a few times. I was under that number on my wedding day. And now, two babies and five years later, I’m far from that number.

So I buy clothes to hide that. I try to mask the insecurity. Mask the shame. Mask the weight that I wish I wasn’t carrying around.

The truth? My head knows the truth. My God sees me as beautiful. He created me! He loves me! He formed me. He knows me.

This body carried two babies. It endured surgeries. It works to create a home for my family.

But daily, I am faced with shame over it. Because it’s not what it used to be. And it doesn’t match an arbitrary number.

Filling my closet with things to hide that? So I don’t have to face the truth? That’s just icky and it robs me of my white space.

It robs Todd and me of financial breathing room every time I buy something we don’t need. It robs me of peace and white space when I go to get dressed each day and feel my blood pressure go up as I try to find something comfortable, that fits, and sort through the clutter of clothes.

I can put on a mask. I can walk and talk like a confident woman. I can do my best to hide those insecurities. But they are there. And they are lies! 

So my goal with the closet is to let go of the number. To focus on health and happiness and living in a way that glorifies the Father. To stop filling up my closet instead of filling up my heart with more of Jesus. More acceptance of His grace and knowledge of who He is and who He created me to be.

I am not a number on the scale. I am not a size on a pair of jeans. And what I put on cannot hide the person that I am.

I was bought with a price! And so were you, sister. We were created in His image! And nothing can separate us from Him. Nothing.

This week I’m going to go through my closet and donate what I don’t wear and maybe sell a few things. I’ll focus on keeping the things that I love and that I wear often. For more tips and information about creating a great, functional wardrobe, visit The Tiny Twig’s The No Brainer Wardrobe Revisited. 

This is Day 7 in a series called 31 Days of Creating White Space. You can read the rest of the posts here.