Today, for Build ‘Em Up, we’re all sharing a study on marriage, family, or parenting that has changed the way we did things in our home. (Not just a study that made us cry.) A study that made us take action.
I am often emailed and asked about what my favorite Bible study is for various topics. And I have been in a lot of studies, but we might just study a book of the Bible for six months, or they’re all women’s studies.
A couple of years ago, Todd and I did a study on the book Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs together. It was actually a really tough pill to swallow.
Love & Respect is based on Ephesians 5:33. “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
The main idea behind the book is that unconditional respect for him is as powerful as unconditional love is for her.
It was very eye-opening for me, as I realized more and more how important it is for me to let Todd know that I trust him and value his opinion. How important it is that I speak to him in a way so that he can hear in my voice how much I love and respect him.
It didn’t completely change me- I am a work in progress. But it made me a whole lot more aware of the way he is wired and what makes him feel loved and valued.
And on the flip side, I realized just how closely love and respect are tied. In order for me to feel that unconditional love, I also have to know that he loves me and cherishes me and values my opinions and ideas.
I’m glad we read the book together so we could discuss it. There were, of course, parts of it that we discussed together and decided that it wasn’t for us. It’s Biblical commentary based on God’s truths. But it’s still commentary, so there were some things that the authors wrote that just didn’t work for us. But we talked about it together.
I wasn’t sure that I could write about this book because I didn’t show Todd the kind of respect he deserves last night, and we had a pretty big argument last night. So it just felt weird to write about how this book had been “marriage-changing.” It was definitely marriage-altering.
Have you read Love & Respect? What did you think? And what would you say was the most life-changing resource?
