Erin Akin Carroll

I hate to return from my two day blogging hiatus with a critical post, but I just can’t help it. I’ve been holding back on writing this post for a couple of months now, but I just can’t hold back anymore.

Sandra Bullock used to be America’s sweetheart. She was likable and fun. She was beautiful in a girl-next-door kind of way that made it impossible for women to hate her. She took a two year break from the big screen, and returned this Spring, and then two other big movies followed. Let’s discuss.

First we had The Proposal with Sandra starring opposite the adorable Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds is 34. Sandra Bullock is 45. I don’t think it was part of the script’s intention for “Margaret” to be 10 years older than “Andrew.” Sure, she was supposed to be mean and hateful, successful. But the relationship was only supposed to be far-fetched because he was nice and she was mean. Not because she was a cougar! Age was never addressed in the movie, so I think they were supposed to be about the same age. She doesn’t look 35. Her skin is stretched so tight that it’s hard to even recognize her anymore. And, honestly, that age difference and poor chemistry kind of ruined the movie for me.

Then she was in All About Steve. I didn’t see it, so I can’t say much except that, again, she’s 45. Bradley Cooper is 35. I know that her “people” wanted to get her back out there in movies again, but isn’t there a role somewhere better suited for her?

So here comes the perfect role for Sandra Bullock. The Blind Side. Todd and I read the book by Michael Lewis and really enjoyed it. We loved the story of Michael Oher and we started watching for him during all of the Ole Miss games. Sandra Bullock plays Leigh Ann Tuohy, a mother, who notices this boy and his talent and removes him from his underprivileged life and makes him a part of her family. I’m hopeful that this will redeem Sandra Bullock for me. The movie looks amazing– and it looks like women and men will both enjoy it. Here’s my only criticism: the movie seems to be highly focused on her character and the book wasn’t written that way. But I guess since she’s the star, it’s going to have to focus on her character the most. Right?

Thanks for letting me vent about such a useless topic. You can now return to your regularly scheduled Thursday activity.

I’ll celebrate my 27th birthday next month. Not a big birthday. My next big birthday is my 30th, but I’m more excited for my 29th. You see, I’ll turn 29 on 11/11/11. I’ve kind of been looking forward to it for not particular reason other than the coolness of the date for a long time now.

I’m not really concerned about turning 30. But I don’t want 30 to come and go and for me to feel like I haven’t done anything since I turned 25. Which totally isn’t true because I got married and had a baby all after I turned 25.

I have this book: 30 Things Everyone Should Know How to Do Before Turning 30.

So to hold myself to some standards, I’m making a list similar to this one, but not quite the same. If I’m still blogging in three years, I can let you know which of these things I have accomplished. NOTE: this is my list, so it will not include things that I want to teach Hudson or do with Hudson and Todd.

1. Visit all 50 states— or the ones I haven’t yet visited which include Alaska, Connecticut, Idaho, Iowa, Maine, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Montana, New Hampshire, North Dakota (do I have to?), Oregon, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Vermont, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. So I only have 16 left. I don’t have to plan a vacation around all the states– maybe just a drive through. Which brings me to my next item.

2. Go on an RV trip out West with my Dad. My mom, Todd, Hudson, and my brother can come, too. But this is something my Dad has always wanted us all to do together.

3. Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. I’ve walked the Golden Gate before, but I think the Brooklyn needs a trip.

4. Plan someone else’s wedding and get paid for it. Not just day-of-coordinator, but start to finish. Plan that wedding.

5. Finish every unread or half-read book in this house.

6. Learn how to fold a fitted sheet well enough that I could teach someone else. Good grief.

7. Travel to Greece.

8. Go back to Spain with Todd.

9. Go back to Venice with Todd.

10. Start playing piano again and practice daily. I played piano for 11 years and was actually good at it. I quit in high school when I started focusing on musical theater. But I recently started listening to some of my old piano music and found the desire to pick it back up. Good thing the ability to read music never goes away.

11. Join a local choir and keep on singing. I sing, too, but haven’t kept that instrument working either. I could join the church choir and join a local classical choir.

12. Start running and complete a 1/2 marathon. This is one of those things on the list that I was afraid to put on here because I’m afraid to even get started. The most I’ve run is a 5k and I can’t say I loved it. But I need a healthy hobby (other than blogging, of course).

13. Learn to make a roux from scratch. And I mean a good roux. Good enough to invite a crap load of people over for gumbo on Super Bowl Sunday.

14. See U2 in concert. U2 obviously didn’t get the memo that I had a baby this summer and it wasn’t a great time for a tour!

15. Learn to use my Canon Rebel.

16. Going with number 15, get better at Photoshop.

17. Put together a weekly flower arrangement for my house. Not a big deal, but just something that I always find impressive.

18. Take a family camping trip. And rough it for two days.

19. Learn to sew. I want to make costumes for Halloween and school plays. I want to be able to mend the holes in my kids’ clothes. I am a disaster with a sewing machine. So I have a lot to correct.

20. Fix an entire Thanksgiving meal by myself. Including the turkey.

21. Watch every movie on AFI’s 100 Years… 100 Movies list.

22. Decide on a signature drink and learn how to perfectly mix it. I can never decide what is my signature drink. Sometimes it’s Firefly and lemonade. Sometimes it’s a gin and tonic. I want to know the answer to this question and then I want to be able to mix that drink up.

23. Re-renovate our house. If we stay in this house I’d like to add a room onto the back and expand our kitchen. Hopefully that will happen before I turn 30.

24. Host a fun party at our house just for kicks. And not just a little get-together, but something big and fun that allows me to flex my creative muscle. And not Hudson’s 1st birthday party.

25. Clean out my email inbox. And then don’t let it get full again. I use folders, but I just can’t believe how I just forget to delete stuff. It’s such a disaster!

26. Organize amazing family photo albums. Starting with when Todd and I were dating. And I’ve decided that I definitely want to use prints of the photos rather than do a printed book. I can do that, too, but my kids will really appreciate having prints of all of their photos someday.

27. Establish a family tradition for just our little family— not extended family– that we do every year. Just us. It  can be a trip. It can be an activity. It could be a weekly activity. But something that my kids will look back and remember that without fail, we did it.

28. Maintain Blue-Eyed Bride at least until I’m 30. Will there be another e-trend then? Do you think we’ll still be blogging in 2012?

29. Write a business plan and get to work. Dreams should only be a dream for so long.

30. Go visit my best friends from college that I rarely see— and that live in some of the most amazing cities in the United States. Why haven’t I done that yet?

There’s my list. What kinds of things would be on your list?

Today while Hudson was napping, I was getting some things done around the house and turned on the TV. The Dr. Phil show was on and he was talking about Stay-At- Home vs. Working Moms. (We don’t need to get into whether or not anyone likes or approves of Dr. Phil. That’s not the point of this post.)

I’m a a SAHM and most days I am very happy with my job. I love spending the day with my boy and there are lots of moments that I get to experience and I can’t imagine if someone else got to experience those things with him instead of me.

There are also the not-so-good days. I don’t think it makes me a bad mother or an ungrateful mother because I admit that there are some bad days. Some days he is just fussy and can’t figure out how to get happy. I can’t figure out how to make him happy. By the time my husband gets home I am exhausted and just need to go to a room by myself and relax. I’m not complaining about my child and I know it’s not his fault if he has a bad day. I still wouldn’t go back to work just because he had a bad day.

There are some days when I would like to have a real lunch instead of a lunch where I make something as quickly as possible and eat it while doing something else. This is just the reality of the life I have chosen. Again, I think I’m allowed to say all of this. It’s okay that I’d like to get dressed up for a fancy lunch one day and have adult conversation.

In the episode today, there was a very extreme SAHM who said that all women should stay at home and that all children are better off if his or her mom stays at home. I can’t understand why one woman would make such bold statements about another woman’s choices and another woman’s children. Why can’t women just support each other for how they’ve chosen to live their lives. Unless their kids are in serious trouble, they should just butt out.

It’s a personal choice. I know that some women would never like staying at home and that doesn’t say anything about their parenting skills or about their children’s happiness. I don’t have any opinions about how anyone else chooses to parent. And I hope that no one judges me for my choices to stay at home.

I am educated. I worked for 5 years and used that education. Maybe someday I’ll go back and use it some more. I also use my education in a volunteer capacity. But those are my choices.

The women that choose to go to work every day aren’t working just so someone else can raise their children. One of the extreme SAHMs on the show today said, “I don’t pay someone else to love my husband. Why would I pay someone else to love my children?” How awful is that statement?!

My mother worked and my brother and I learned so much from her experiences. There were definitely times when I wished that she was home with us and I’m sure there were times when she wished she was home with us, but that’s not how the cards played out. The experiences that we got from her job as Director of Admissions at a University were wonderful. We got to know so many people, learned a lot about the working world, and learned to appreciate the time that we had with our mom. (My dad worked, too, and we learned a lot from him, but I’m talking about moms here.)

Here’s my point: All stay at home moms are not out to get the working moms. And I’m pretty sure the working moms aren’t out to get the SAHMs. I think if you have to make bold statements about the women in the other category then you’re probably not confident enough in your own decision for your own family, and feel like you should attack the other group to make yourself feel better.

I have only been criticized once for my decision to stay home. On the other hand, I admire and look up to the other women that I know who stay home with their kids. I also really admire the women who go to work every day and still manage to do so much for their children.

I’m very fortunate to have Hudson on a waiting list for an amazing day care that I’ve found. He’ll start going there 2 days per week as soon as we can get in. I’m also very fortunate to have a mother in law that lives five minutes away and will stay with Hudson so I can go have a fancy lunch if I need one. My own mother is not close enough to run over for lunch, but any time I’ve needed help (hello, post-baby surgery), she has been on a plane to come stay with me while I recover and need help taking  care of Hudson. The other thing I’m incredibly grateful for is this blog and all of the support, points of view, and people that it has exposed me to. Blue-Eyed Bride keeps me constantly connected with the “outside” and I think this job could get pretty lonely during the day without it.

The mom job is much harder if no one is around to support you. I think it’s really important that moms support each other. It’s a hard job no matter how you choose to do it. But it’s always rewarding and I know that women in both of these categories experience all of those rewards!

ETA: This also goes for the choices women make regarding childbirth. But don’t get me started there. Just support each other instead of tearing each other down.