Erin Akin Carroll

We said goodbye to our sweet Fiona on Saturday.

About a month ago, she stopped eating for almost a week. We thought maybe she was just tired of her food. But when we took her to see a veterinary specialist, they did an ultrasound and told us that Fiona had severe liver failure and her liver was shrinking. And they told us that she had 2-4 weeks to live.

We were devastated. They gave us some meds to help her regain her appetite so they could then try to treat the liver to give her some more time.

After a few more weeks, she became weaker and weaker. Her body worked so hard to breathe and it was hard for her to get around. We rarely saw her wag her tail. She no longer barked at the UPS guy. And I often just found her looking at me as if she wanted to say, “help me.”

The vet had told us that even though her situation was severe, she wouldn’t die on her own, which also devastated us. How would we know when it was time? How could we tell?

And then last week, she stopped sleeping. We’d wake up in the night just to see her standing up. She was so restless and always seemed worried like she just didn’t know what to do to help herself. On Friday morning, Todd and I held her when we woke up. There were lots of tears. We knew that she was so tired and she just didn’t feel well. Our vet had given us her cell phone number and told us to call if we wanted to talk about it or make an appointment to bring her in. She also encouraged us to give Fiona whatever she wanted.

On Friday night, we drove through Cookout and got her some chicken nuggets. Then gave her some cookies with pink icing for dessert. We’ve never seen her eat so fast in her life!

On Saturday morning, we arranged for Todd’s parents to take the boys to the zoo and to lunch. And Todd and I spent the morning with Fiona. We got her some Munchkins from Dunkin Donuts for breakfast and just loved on her. We held her and cried some more.

At noon, we drove to the vet’s office, where they were waiting for us. They had set up a little room for us with a comfy bed for Fiona. But I just held her in my lap the whole time. We held her some more and thanked her for loving us so well. All she ever wanted was to be loved and to love us. She just wanted to be with us. And she did that so very well.

She was 8 years old and was my constant companion. There wasn’t a moment of the day when I was at home that she wasn’t on my heels just wanting to stay as close to me as possible.

She terrorized the mailman at our old house. Every day, the mail came shooting through the slot in our front door, and she shredded at least one piece of it every day.

When Hudson was born, she followed me around and sat as close to Hudson as she could- just making sure I was doing everything correctly. She followed me to his room in the middle of the night and made herself comfy as I fed him.

She found herself in Todd’s lap every night when he watched TV. And when we moved to Nana’s house, she found her way into our bed to snuggle with Todd every night.

Fiona came to live with us about two months after we got married. She was my cousin John’s dog, and we tragically lost him in a motorcycle accident. Having his sweet little dog come to live with us was an honor and was always a way of keeping him with us in way. She was with us for 6.5 years and she brought so much life to our house.

As I held her on Saturday, wrapped in a towel, we hugged her and told her we loved her. And then she went to sleep and was gone. And we miss her so much. It was a sad, sad weekend at our house even though we know it was what was best for our sweet, broken little body.

When trying to explain to Hudson where Fiona was and what happens when you die, he said that sweetest thing that I just wanted to write down and remember:

“God sent Jesus down, and he died on the cross, and he lives in our hearts. Now Fiona lives in our hearts, too.”

She was just a dog to some, but she was a part of our family in a huge way. And we’re so thankful for the years that we could love her.