Erin Akin Carroll

When I say the word “procrastination” I actually say it like I’m singing the old Rod Stewart song “Infatuation.” Anyone else? I can’t help myself.

Anyway. I’m not usually such a big procrastinator. But when it comes to planning Hayes’s first birthday party, I have put the brakes on in a major way. When I think about his party, my stomach gets in knots and I start to feel panicky.

It’s not because the planning part is a chore for me. I love planning parties- especially parties for my family! I actually have most of this party planned out already.

This is a completely different feeling than I had with Hudson. But I am in complete denial that my baby is turning one. I’m full out resisting the inevitable here. In less than a month, he will turn one, and I don’t like it one bit.

Hayes is my bitty baby. He buries his head in my shoulder and loves being held. He loves to sit in my lap. He’s not a wild toddler yet. When I close my eyes, I still think that he’s two months old and sleeping all day. It is just impossible that an entire year has gone by.

from August 2011

I’m supposed to stop giving him bottles soon. He’s supposed to eat table food. He needs to wear shoes on a regular basis. The old ladies at church won’t excuse me for having him sock-footed when he turns a year old. (We own shoes for Hayes, but he doesn’t keep them on his feet, so he just wears socks most of the time.)

I’m just not ready for this day to come. I’m not ready for him to grow up.

I’m thankful that Hayes was slower to reach milestones because he really stayed a baby for longer. I’ve definitely done my part in making sure I didn’t make him grow up too quickly, but his first year has been one of the best of my life. I love that sweet little love bug so much that my heart aches when I think about him.

Can y’all remember when I was so stressed about bringing another baby into our lives because I just couldn’t fathom how my heart could accommodate anyone else? Hudson filled up so much of it! I was so, dead wrong. So, so wrong to stress over that. I love Hayes in the same exact way as I love Hudson, but also in a completely different way. How is that possible?

I just don’t want him to grow up. But he’s going to. And we’re going to have a big fiesta with lots of family and friends on May 5 to celebrate his first year and the people that loved on him in that year.

I can’t believe that I have been a mom to two boys for almost a year now. Hayes will celebrate his first birthday on May 5.  The day before he was born, I wrote a letter to sweet Hayes and blogged that letter. In it, I told him that I was so excited for he and Hudson to have each other. One of my biggest joys was that I was giving them this enormous gift by giving them each other.

And the year has been really great. In the beginning Hudson wasn’t really interested in Hayes. Hayes didn’t really do much. Hudson would just kind of look at him and then go on with his business.

As Hayes has gotten bigger, he just is so obvious about how much he loves and admires his big brother. Hudson will have the occasional tender moment with Hayes where he wants to kiss his head or give him a hug. But the jealousy is totally there, too.

Our biggest “issue” has been Hudson being territorial. Hudson is aware of which toys belong to Hayes. But he also knows which toys belong to him. And when Hayes crawls toward Hudson’s toys, Hudson screams. High-pitched, make-my-ears-bleed, screaming. Hayes doesn’t know what’s going on, but the screaming is awful.

I can usually redirect Hayes and find something that he is content to play with. We have the talks with Hudson about sharing with his brother. But I know how he must feel. He doesn’t want his toys to be slobbered on. I can’t blame him.

But the moments when they do just sit and play together and laugh? Are so wonderful. I can see how much Hudson loves Hayes and loves having a play mate. Hudson will do anything to get Hayes to laugh at him.

Sometimes I think they are speaking their own little secret language. They’ll imitate each other and just crack themselves up. I know that as time goes on, the fights will get worse before they get better. But I also know that they will be so thankful for each other.

I think about my own brother and the fights we had growing up. He has been there for my whole life. We are connected in a way that neither of us have with anyone else.

So despite the loud screams and the jealousy, I’m encouraged at just how sweet they can be with each other. The admiration that Hayes has for Hudson and how much Hudson so obviously loves having a brother in his life.

The first video was taken when Hudson climbed up in Hayes’s crib so they could both play with the mobile. Hayes got so tickled at Hudson.

Hudson typically gets jealous when I have to sit down to feed Hayes a bottle. One morning when my mom was in town, Hudson woke up and said he wanted to go “check on Hayes and feed Hayes a bottle.” So we agreed that he should do it. He’s so bossy!

We had a really fun week! We went to the zoo, the children’s museum, and we worked on some projects at the house. Spring Break 2012 was a success! Hudson was always devastated to leave the zoo, the children’s museum or the mall carousel (epic meltdowns), but he loved it while he was there! We ended up getting a museum membership and renewed our zoo membership. I’m excited that we can just go when we need a little “field trip” this summer.

On Saturday morning Todd and I had a date day. We went to Gourmet Shop for brunch while Todd’s parents played with Hudson and Hayes. The boys have lots of fun outdoor toys at their grandparents’ house, so it always such a fun adventure to go over there.

After brunch, we went on our big Easter grocery shopping run and then went to look at a couple of houses. We brought the boys home and then I cooked while they napped. I watched a couple of movies in the kitchen while I made hash brown casserole, 7-layer salad, and a yummy strawberry trifle that I found on Pinterest.

After naps, we dyed Easter eggs! I love doing this with Hudson. He loves all the colors and likes spinning the eggs around in the cups of dye. It’s potentially messy, but I always just put a splat mat down on the table and let him just go to town. We wrote names on the eggs and he liked saying, “This is Mommy’s eggg and this is Hayes’s egg!”

Hayes sat in his high chair and supervised the egg dyeing process.

After the boys went to bed, Todd and I played Easter bunny, which is always so much fun. The boys got some little toys and books. Hudson got some little animal and Sesame Street figurines, coloring books, sticker books, colors, bubbles and a beach towel. Santa Claus had gotten Hudson a sleeping bag for Christmas, but it wasn’t delivered on time. So the Easter Bunny dropped it off, too. Hayes got books, a sweet little Jelly Cats stuffed bunny, some sunglasses, his own little dinosaur, some new cups, snacks, and a toy phone.

And then we set the table for Easter lunch so we could just come in from church and be ready to eat! Todd’s parents joined us for lunch and brought a delicious ham and deviled eggs. I just love Easter lunch! Todd’s grandmother couldn’t be with us yesterday because she wasn’t feeling well. We really missed having Nana there!

We went to church and Sunday school on Sunday morning. The service was wonderful and powerful, and exactly the way I love to worship on Easter sunday. We visited with friends and came home to have lunch with Todd’s family.

We hunted Easter eggs and then gave the boys their Easter baskets after that. We didn’t want to give Hudson his basket before church because we knew he would not be happy about having to leave everything for us to run to church. So we didn’t even do it until we got home.

I always forget how much fun Easter egg hunts are. Hudson absolutely loves it. I think we hid too many eggs, though, because his basket was overflowing and every time he’d put a new egg in the basket, another one would fall out.

Hayes woke up from his nap and was excited to find his Easter basket. I just love this funny little boy so much! His big bear crawl just makes me laugh.

He loved his little toy phone and he didn’t even resist when I put the fun bunny ears on him that were in his basket.

And, of course, his sunglasses went straight in his mouth! Where else?

At the end of all the celebrating, Todd and I were worn slap out. We had such a wonderful day and couldn’t wait to just finish watching the Master’s and get a good nap on the couch.

Hudson was really starting to understand a lot of the Easter story this year. He was talking about how “they rolled the stone away and Jesus wasn’t there because Jesus is Risen.” I’m very excited about all that his little mind understands and I’m really thankful for the people in our lives that help us reinforce all of the important things we want to teach our children.

How was your Easter?