Erin Akin Carroll

I’m a worry wart. I like to say it comes naturally since my grandmother was a worrier. It’s just what she did. She said it was her way of loving us and praying for us. She just sat around and worried about us. She worried about the weather and our health. She worried about us every time we got in the car to go somewhere.

I don’t spent time worrying about the weather or dreaming up horrible things that could happen to my family members. But I definitely worry about things that are beyond my control. I guess that’s why I worry at all in the first place. There are so many things that are completely beyond my control and I don’t like to feel out of control. So what else can I do but worry?

This house selling process has really consumed me lately. I spend time wondering when our house will sell and worrying about what we can do to help it sell. It worries me that I have no idea where we’ll be living in a year. Maybe we’ll still be in our house. Maybe it won’t sell by then.

Since our house has been on the market we have seen two other houses that we’ve loved get sold to other buyers. Every time this happens I worry a little more.

When I have a free moment, I start looking at houses. I start looking around at what I can do to make our house more attractive to a buyer. I lose sleep because I’m just worried. It’s incredibly ridiculous.

I know that this is all a test of faith. Not testing whether or not I believe in God. But it’s testing whether or not I believe that God is in control of all of this. Whether or not I believe that He has this covered and He knows exactly where we’ll be and exactly who will buy this house. He’s probably protecting us from something or waiting for the person who is meant to live in this house to move here. I don’t know. But I definitely need to be more trusting.

I need to stop wasting my time worrying and wondering about what will happen. I don’t have a crystal ball. There is no point in me spending any energy on this. I can only do what I can do– and that is to make sure my house is clean when someone wants to see it. I can do that.

And I can pray. Every time I worry, I just need to give it to God.

When I put all of my thoughts in one space like this I can see just how ridiculous it is. It’s so ridiculous that I’m spending time worrying about where we will live when we already have a very comfortable home. We have a roof over our heads. We have relief from the hot days and warmth on the cold days. And why do I continue to worry about things that are beyond my control?

I spent a lot of time last week reading the posts by the Compassion bloggers who were in Tanzania. I even sponsored a boy in Tanzania after I read this post. This boy doesn’t have perfect living conditions by American standards. But he built his home with his hands and he is proud of his home because it provides relief from the outside. He is joyful in what he has. He’s joyful because he is absolutely 100% confident that he has all he needs because of the Lord.

(We’re sponsoring a boy named Hosea. I chose him because he was a boy, and as a boy mom I have a heart for helping to grow boys into Godly men. And I also chose him because his named stood out to me. The story of Hosea in the Bible is one of patience and complete faith. As soon as I saw Hosea’s name, I knew he was the one for our family.)

Talk about completely convicting me in the middle of this process. Our house will sell when the right time comes. And I know God is teaching us something in this process. Right now I’m praying that I will stay faithful and patient and just trusting of His plan.

I’m sure that I will struggle with worry until I am old woman. I know many of you have bigger things to worry about than what I’m describing here with our house. But I know that God has all of our struggles in his hands and he is loving each of us and wants to take these burdens from us.

What consumes you? Are you a worrier?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

We had a really great week last week. My mom was still here after coming for Hayes’s party. We had such a great time hanging out and going out and doing things I don’t normally try to do without help. My dad came on Thursday, so we were all together!

Hudson is crazy about his grandparents, but he was especially excited to Poppie (and his namesake). He read “Panda Bear, Panda Bear” to him when Poppie got there.

We were cracking up because Hudson was calling the bald eagle, “Singlehopper.” Not “dinglehopper,” but “single hopper.” The only reason I can think of for the confusion is that “Scuttle” in The Little Mermaid tells Ariel that a fork is called a “dinglehopper” and the bald eagle kind of looks like “Scuttle.” Maybe?

Some friends of ours live out on a horse farm in Blythewood. They have a big pond with a little fishing dock. So we bought a cane pole and took Hudson out fishing on Friday while Todd was at work. He was really excited! I think he was mostly excited about wearing his boots and hat.

Hudson loves the water and I was really nervous about him being so close because he kept saying he wanted to jump in. Yikes!

It was the most beautiful 70 degree day on Friday. But I’m sure that water was freezing. We should have just gotten him a life jacket just in case, but I really wasn’t prepared to dive in to scoop him out. Thankfully, he obeyed and stayed back with his little fishing pole.

KK did a great job bating the hook for him. KK and Poppie love to fish. I’m completely grossed out by the idea of holding a worm or cricket and sticking it on a hook!

Hayes hung out in his stroller and loved watching. I was worried about letting him crawl around so close to the water.

After we were all done fishing (we didn’t catch anything, by the way), we walked toward the horse pastures and the barn so we could feed the horses. I felt like Laurie in Oklahoma and wanted to just sing “Oh what a beautiful morning” at the top of my lungs!

Those horses came running to the fence when they saw us coming. There were 9 of them and it was just such a pretty sight. I’m pretty much loving the idea of farm life right now.

We carried Hudson over to see the horses and he was trying to get as far away as possible. He wanted to look at them, but he definitely didn’t want to touch them or feed them. They are pretty huge.

On Sunday morning, Todd went in and woke Hudson up. A few minutes later, they were both coming into our bedroom with a little tray and a present. Hudson climbed up in the bed with me and told wished me a happy Mother’s Day. Todd fixed me coffee and brought me a yummy blueberry muffin. So sweet!

This cracked me up! This is the way Todd addressed the card to me from Hudson.

We had a great morning at church. Sundays are just one of the highlights of my week. I love seeing our friends and love that my boys get to see their friends. My praise team sang in church this morning and it was so nice to have my mom and dad, my in-laws and my grandmother-in-law in the congregation. So many generations of mothers to celebrate!

We went to Todd’s parents’ house for lunch and picked up barbecue.  It was a wonderful low key mother’s day. We said goodbye to my parents today. It’s always very sad to see them go.

After they left I got my nap, which was at the top of my Mother’s Day wish list!

*I’ve finally gone through and organized all of the pictures of Hayes and our friends from Hayes’s birthday party, so I will be posting those later this week!

Today is my third Mother’s Day. It seems odd for my kids to be celebrating me today because I feel like I should be celebrating them. It’s because of them that I’m a mother. It’s because of them that I am who I am today. It’s because of them that I’ve learned and changed so much.

Since becoming a mother,  I believe…

• In family time. No amount of fun is as fun as the time when we’re all together.
• In fairy tales and make believe.
• That it takes a village. I’m so thankful for our friends, family, and church family that love our children as much as we do.
• In getting dirty and making messes for the sake of letting loose and having an old fashioned good time.
• In praise and love. I see how important it is to tell my boys how much they are loved and let them know what they’ve done to make me proud.
• In turning to the Lord when times are hard. And teaching my kids to do the same is important to me.
• In getting down on the floor and playing with my boys. I believe in teaching them things. Their minds are sponges and they pick up on every single thing we say and teach them.

Since becoming a mother, I understand…

• What it means to love unconditionally. There is not a thing my boys can do that will make me love them less.
• How special it was to give our parents grandchildren. Parenting is hard work and so much fun. Grandparenting just looks like lots of fun!
• The need for help. I am no longer too proud to ask for help. I cannot possibly do it all alone and my kids have some wonderful people in their lives who have given us help when we’ve needed it.
• Why people told me that the days are long, but the years are short. It’s true. I can’t believe I have a baby who is almost three years old.
• How important it is to be prepared. Never leave home without diapers and wipes.

Since becoming a mother, I know…

• How to make the sounds of different trucks and emergency vehicles.
• The names of all the different dinosaurs. Including “another ‘saurus” — Hudson’s name for his extra unnamed dinosaurs.
• That each day is a new day. One day will be rough, but the next will inevitably be better.
• That no other job or role I’ve had in my life will make me equally insecure as I am proud. I will never have all the answers and my kids will always disappoint me. And I’ll always disappoint myself. But I know that most of the time I am doing the best I can do.
• That we make mistakes. There will be messes. There will be holidays that don’t go the way I planned. I know that it’s up to me to control my expectations.
• Kids are forgiving and resilient. They love as unconditionally as I do and they won’t resent me for not having gourmet meals every day.

What have you learned? How have you changed?

I don’t have a huge thing for Mother’s Day. I think it’s sweet, sure, but I don’t have big expectations for anything spectacular. I love the idea of honoring my mother, my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law.

What do I want for Mother’s Day? I don’t want to cook, do dishes, or do laundry. I want to sit on the floor and play with my boys. I want to take a walk with my family. I want to spend time with my own mother. I’d really love a family nap. You know, the kind where we put the boys down and Todd and I both snooze on the couch while watching a movie on TBS that we’ve seen a thousand times.

So why do I deserve all of this for Mother’s Day?

1. I have the very un-glamorous job of changing no fewer than seven dirty diapers per day. And with an almost three-year old who still wears diapers, I practically have to dress myself in a full hazmat suit to protect myself.

2. “Mommy, I want milk. Mommy, I want milk. Mommy, I want milk.” Not only do I get tired of hearing Hudson repeat the same phrases over and over again (I’m working with him on understanding that when he says it once, I did hear him and I’m getting to it), but I get tired of hearing myself repeat the same things over and over again. “If you say ‘no’ to me again, you’re going to time out.” I have said this same sentence at least twenty times in the last two weeks. Woof. I have become significantly more patient!

3. After two months of having our house on the market, I have mastered the fine, fine art of vacuuming our entire house in five minutes. With a golden retriever and an almost three-year old little boy, I’m going to be honest and say it’s no small task. I am the vacuum master!

4. I love wearing makeup and cute clothes, but don’t do either of those things more often than twice a week. Only because I can sleep later if I forego makeup and just throw on some comfy clothes. Could I say this means I have a giving spirit? I give myself sleep? No?

So a relaxing day with my family is what I want. Because they are the ones who have made my life better. I love them with everything that I have, and I am a lucky mama, because I can feel every ounce of love that they have coming back to me.