In the fall of 2008, I can remember sitting at my desk at work and just feeling “off.” I’ve blogged about this “off” feeling before. I felt dizzy, sick to my stomach, tired and I was just starving. And I just knew what the only explanation could be.
I left work early that day and walked across the street to the drug store. I snuck back to the right section of the store, and saw that there was a huge selection of home pregnancy tests. I’d never taken a pregnancy test before.
Do you buy the kind that says “pregnant” or “not pregnant” or do you buy the one that shows you a plus sign or minus sign? Or what about the one with two lines? Isn’t this supposed to be a relatively easy, fool-proof process?
I was straight up terrified. I didn’t want to be spotted buying a pregnancy test. I felt like I was still a young girl and I wasn’t supposed to be pregnant yet. But I was a married woman of about five months. We weren’t “ready” for a baby yet. If I avoided taking the test could I stay in denial that things were changing?
(those two care-free newlyweds were about six weeks pregnant didn’t know it)
I picked up three different types of tests and picked up two boxes of each one. Just in case. In case of what? I don’t know, but I’d never taken a test before, so I didn’t want to mess it up.
I went home and decided to go with the “pregnant/not pregnant” test first. I took the test and sat on the bathroom floor waiting for the results. And about twenty seconds later the word “pregnant” showed up on the screen.
My heart started racing and I went through a whole bunch of emotions before calling Todd and asking him to come home from work. The next day I called the doctor to schedule an appointment. They determined that I was probably about seven weeks pregnant and they wanted to see me around 9 weeks.
So I had a couple weeks to just wait and sit with this information. I started taking a prenatal vitamin, started being more mindful of what I was eating and drinking. I cut out the caffeine and read all about what my dietary limitations were.
About a week before my doctor’s appointment, Todd was out of town on business. I went to the restroom and noticed that I was bleeding. A lot. I started to panic and really had no idea what to do. I stayed in the bathroom for a long time waiting to see if it would stop, and it never stopped. So I called the on-call doctor. Through tears, I explained to her what was happening, and she told me to just lie down and come in the next morning.
Todd drove through the night to get home to take me to this appointment that would end up being my first appointment. I told Todd to prepare himself for bad news. I’d been heavily bleeding for twelve hours and I just couldn’t imagine that things could possibly be okay with our baby. We were solemn when we went back to see the ultrasound technician. We told her what had happened, and she told us she’d just take a quick look before we met with the doctor.
And, there, on that huge screen, right next to my face, I could see a little flashing dot…
I immediately knew it was a heart, and there was no doubt that the heart was beating. She turned on the sound and the sound of our baby Hudson’s 8 week old heart filled the room.
And I just lost it and sobbed right there. I believe my exact words were, “I’m stunned! I’m so happy!”
I had given up all hope in those 12 hours that our baby would be okay, and there was his strong, healthy heart just a-beating and his tiny little gummy bear- shaped body, wiggling around on that screen. And in my belly.
What an incredible moment. The moment we first saw our first born and got to see his little heart beating. And hear the sound of life just echoing in the room.
Because of my little scare, I was able to have frequent sonograms and they checked on my little “bleed” spot at every appointment. I was fine and my sweet baby was fine.
Do you remember how you felt when you saw your positive pregnancy test? And how did you feel at your very first doctor’s appointment?
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