Erin Akin Carroll

1. Are y’all watching Dancing With the Stars? I’m loving it this season. Some seasons I could take it or leave it, but having so many talented, incredible all stars dancing this season has made it so enjoyable to watch. I’m loving Melissa and Tony, Shawn and Derrick, and Cheryl and Emmitt. In many ways I cheer for the pro as much as the “star.” Who are you rooting for?

2. Some days I feel like my memory is going to be completely gone within a couple of years. Sometimes it’s just simple short term stuff like remembering what I ate for dinner last night. Or remembering what time my kids need to be picked up from various activities on different days. But sometimes it’s more “important” things that I’m forgetting. Take yesterday for example. I blogged about “baby’s first Christmas.” And when I wrote the post, all I could remember is the way we have celebrated Christmas for the last two years, and the way we’ll spend it this year. I completely forgot that we took a family trip to Gatlinburg for Hudson’s first Christmas until a sweet blog reader pointed it out. So I edited my post, but only after I felt like a moe-ron.

Mommy brain is real, y’all. It starts with pregnancy and goes downhill from there. I think it’s because I’m trying to make sure that nothing falls through the cracks on a day to day basis, and so many big things become fuzzy over time.

Anyway, I’m sorry if I confused y’all. I’ve officially confused myself.

3. We also watched Nashville last week. Wow! I just loved it. Seeing Tami Taylor again just thrills me, but I love her character on this show and I’m really excited to see how all these stories develop.

4. And Homeland? Y’all. If you haven’t seen Season 1 of Homeland, go ahead and watch it, and then hurry up and catch up on Season 2. This show is incredible. I’m afraid to say anything because any detail could spoil it.

5. Perhaps I’m losing my memory because I’m so invested in fall television?

6. Todd was out of town until late yesterday and I decided to take the boys on a walk before bedtime to kill some time and get out of the house. Hudson said he wanted a blanket, and I thought they just looked so sweet together. At one point Hudson was squeezing Hayes’s knee and doing everything he could to make Hayes laugh. And Hayes was just giggling so loud. Goodness. There are some moments where I can sit back and watch them interact and it makes my whole week. I don’t need to intervene or break up a fight and they’re just so happy. I love it.

7. I posted this on Instagram yesterday, but Hayes got a card in the mail from his Sunday school teacher, and it’s just the sweetest thing. I’ll admit I got a little choked up just thinking about my kids and their lives and their interactions with people when they’re away from me. What a huge opportunity they have to touch people’s lives and be salt and light.

I love saving things like this for their baby books.

8. Hudson’s teacher has been calling all the parents this week just to check in and see if we have any questions or concerns. And she called me last night. I was excited to hear that he’s adjusting really well, and seems to be a social butterfly. We laughed because I was pretty concerned at the beginning of the school year about how he would adjust socially. She said that he was concerned about his friends and that he loves to learn. And his only area of concern is remembering to clean up and being willing to clean up.

9. I’m thankful I have this blog to remind me of things when I can’t remember what we did yesterday or a week ago or three years ago.

There was a time, just a few months ago, that when asked to do something, Hudson would say, “yes, ma’am.” Or he’d simply go do it. We had taken a few days to put him in time out every time he shouted a defiant, “no!” at me. And it worked.

And now we’re back there. The defiant “no” is back in our house.

(To prove that I’m not making an example out of Hudson, Hayes is just as bad about the disobedience, but he just can’t say “no” yet. He just ignores me.)

Because Hudson is too young to know how to think before he speaks, I have to very carefully and very slowly tread so that I don’t speak too quickly.

I want to teach him the value of obedience. I want him to want to obey.

And then the light bulb goes off in my head as I realize I’m not so different from Hudson. I think back over the last 8 months during our house selling process. We prayed for things and the doors were closed in our faces. Actual doors to homes we loved and imagined ourselves in. I had mentally placed furniture in at least two homes that didn’t end up becoming ours.

But we stayed the course. We waited. Impatiently. But we did wait. And despite wanting more and more to take things into our own hands, we waited.

Because I know that God was protecting us. We don’t know what He was protecting us from, but we just knew that the right doors would open at the right time, and we would know.

And now here we are at a place where we need to make a decision. In so many ways, it’s tempting to stop praying at this point because in three weeks we’ll close on our house. The rest is up to us.

But this is where the tricky stuff comes in. These are the decisions that will affect our family and our future. It’s big stuff. And giving it to Jesus is our act of praise.

When I pray and ask Him to make the path as clear as possible, I’m worshipping Him. He wants me to obey, and he wants me to want to obey.

These are very earthly decisions we’re making right now. But our hearts are His. Our family is His. And He wants us to trust Him and put all of this on Him. Because He wants to protect us.

And, most importantly, He wants us to always, always, always remember that our happiness and contentment are found in Christ alone.

Despite my mind telling me to just hurry up and make a decision so we can move in to our next house in time to decorate a Christmas tree, He’s pulling me back and forcing me to listen to Him.  He’s putting up road blocks.

So now we’re waiting for His timing again, and there’s extreme comfort in that.

One of the things I love most about being home after being out of town for a few days is that Hudson and Hayes are just all over me when I get back. Truthfully, on any “normal” day it might bug me a little bit to constantly be holding both of them while we’re trying to get things done.

But not today.

Today? I was all about picking them up and swinging them around. And when they both wanted to sit in my lap this morning to read books, I piled them on up.

Hudson is so much lighter than Hayes is these days. He still weighs more than Hayes, but Hayes is just so thick and dense. Those sweet little baby bones and hammy legs make him feel so heavy. So when Hudson asked me to pick him up and pretend he was a baby, it was a piece of cake.

I scooped him up and “rocked him” and we giggled and sang “rockabye baby.”

When I got to Hayes’s room this morning to pick him up, I could hear him squealing from the other side of the door. Then he ran to me and when I picked him up, he nuzzled into my neck and screamed some more. He’s a screamer, that one.

My house looks like a toy bomb went off. There are dishes in the sink. There is laundry to be put away. I still need to unpack my bag.

But I had a good day with my babies. And that’s the only thing worth mentioning today. It was glorious.