For the past four years, this week has been the busiest week of the year for me. It’s Holiday Market week. I absolutely love it. I love the hustle and bustle, the decorations, seeing so many friends and preparing for a wonderful fundraiser that helps so many organizations. I love rushing around like a mad woman and being able to use my talents even though I’m a stay-at-home mom now.
Last night, we had our Preview Party to kick off Holiday Market. I was talking to one of my good friends there about this past week. It has been so much fun to be working so much, but I miss my boys so badly. And I feel so bad that TC has had to feed them dinner by himself every night this week and I just feel like I’ve missed a lot. I’ve left the house every morning by 8:30 a.m. and I get home around 7:30-8:00 p.m. Most nights I’ve gotten home in time to see Hudson and Hayes before they go to sleep.
I know this is just a week and that my absence isn’t scarring them. I know that TC loves his boys and wants to spend time with them. It’s not “babysitting” when he stays home with them and I’m not there. My mother-in-law and our wonderful babysitter pitched in a lot during the day while I was working and I’m so thankful for them. But why do I feel so guilty?
My heart breaks when I come into the house at night and Hudson speeds toward me and wraps his little arms so tightly around my neck and just laughs. I love that he missed me, but I also hate that I wasn’t there.
I have a new appreciation for working moms that juggle so much. My hours this week were a little bit extreme, but I know that so many moms have to do the juggling act and shuttle kids from one place to the next just so everything can get done. It’s not easy. At all.
I know that my kids aren’t “mad” at me and my super kind, understanding husband isn’t upset with me. I just miss my family. I went in the other night and just held Hayes and rocked him after he had gone to sleep because I just wanted to be with him. I love that sweet boy so much.
Having an outlet is so nice. I love being able to use my creativity and I love the socialization. I even love running around like crazy! But everything comes with a little bit of a price. I’ll be happy for life to return to normal so we can find our little routine again.
I know exactly what you are saying my friend!!! Big hugs and I know all your hard work is so very much appreciated!
I rarely comment, but love to read your blog. Your post made me smile, because I was also involved in our JL Marketbasket for 6 years, as merchant chair, event cochair, and chair. It was crazy and I had 3 little boys, 6, 4, and newborn. That was 15 years ago and what I remember is just the fun exciting time of the actual event days. I don’t remember the guilt, although I had a lot to juggle. So what I’m trying to tell you is just enjoy the moment, hug those babies, remember: the days are long, but the years have wings! You won’t remember the guilt, but you will cherish the experiences!
Awwww, hon. Please don’t feel bad for doing something you love. This is me, five days a week, every week. They are very long days, indeed. The guilt eats me up inside sometimes.
I hear you, Erin and thanks, Angie, for the reminder that when we look back on this time we won’t remember the guilt. I am JL president this year, and work full time. And it is my son’s Kindergarten year. Everything feels so hectic, and there are days when I find myself wishing for May and the end of my term. I know when I look back on this time I will be grateful for it, but oh! the guilt.
I know how you feel…I get up with my kids in the morning and get them ready for daycare, my husband takes them to daycare and I USUALLY pick them up after work..we have about 4-5 hours with them before bed, less with the youngest who jkust turned 7 months..weekends are the only time I really get to ENJOY my kids for extended periods of time, but I know they love being with friends and family in my absence. You are super mom!
It seems that there will ALWAYS be some sort of “mommy guilt” – it comes with the territory, I guess. We will have it whether we stay home, or go off to work every day. I don’t think men deal with this. One of life’s many “unfairnesses”. I am lucky to be able to stay at home with my 3 children & wouldn’t trade it for the world. However, there is nothing wrong with a little “me” time. You’ll be a better mommy (and wifey) for it! But yes…oh, the GUILT! Merry Christmas, Erin! (btw…I was in the Jr. League of MIami for 10 years – loved every moment of it, but didn’t miss it at all once I was done!)
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am a working mom and December is nuts for me. Typically I can find some balance, but I’m literally missing everything. None of it seems worth it in the moment.
I understand where you are coming from Erin. With my job, I tend to get busy on the weekends. There are a few days I work an 18 hour day and don’t see S until after he’s fallen asleep. I’ve done the same thing (rocking him just because). Don’t dwell on the guilt too much (easier said than done, I know), but be happy b/c you’re blessed to have such a wonderful husband and people who care for your children as much as you do when you are not able to be with them. I hope your week gets better. 🙂
Ugh, your post hits home (they always do, your posts :)). I have four kids, a full-time job, I am room mom for my two boys in elementary school, my two boys in elementary school are super active in sports plus one of them is in Cub Scouts, my husband is a real estate agent who needs my help sometimes (editing his ads, etc.), OH MY WORD. It is all too much sometimes! My daughter is already in college, and I miss her so much, and I can’t even understand where the time went, but it is SO TRUE what Angie and the others say above; the time goes so quickly, and when I look back on her childhood, it is all wonderful memories, and I feel no guilt or misgivings about how she was raised despite the fact that my husband and I worked more and had less money, etc. with her. All I see now is a beautiful girl enjoying college and getting ready to be a “real” adult almost before we know it. I also have an 18mo old son (he’s the one born on Cinco de Mayo the year before your son), and I rock him, carry him, love on him excessively knowing he’s my last baby and that he will be a busy big boy before I know it. How is this for a long rambling :)? My point is, you’re amazing, your boys see their Mama working hard and enjoying life, and your husband, who already appreciates you so much, gets a little more insight into your hard job day in and day out. I do appreciate how you so freely share these things and get all of us, who don’t even know each other, talking and sharing and supporting each other. Thank you. Enjoy your week. You deserve to. 🙂
It’s only a week, and you enjoy it! So, I think it’s totally worth the time you put into the event. Keeping your spirit full is always important.
As a former working mother, and now a stay-at-home mom, I’ve seen both worlds. And I just COULDN’T find time for the Junior League while I was working full time. I totally commend the moms that could do it all. I guess I’m just not one of them, it almost killed me to try and be everything to everyone.
Your a good mom, and you’re right, it’s only one week. I’m a working mom. I leave the house at 7:00 every morning but I get off around four. Still I always feel bad when my son asks if I’m going to be in my pjs or my clothes when he gets up. He knows clothes mean work. Even though it’s hard, I know he’s healthy and well adjusted so I can’t feel too guilty. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
I’m glad you have this blog as an outlet. You seem like your a wonderful mother and your boys are lucky to have you. I don’t have children yet, so all of this is very foreign to me. I’ll be there sooner or later!
I think it’s completely normal and natural to feel guilt! It’s part of being a mama! Enjoy your time and your holiday market!!!
I think it is important to also note how by taking part in this holiday marketplace, you have also given back to your family in the process as well in many ways.
-First of all, it sounds like this work really renews your spirit. It makes sense that it does so, because you are using the gifts and passions that God has given you to make a difference in the world. You are modeling to your family how to use the gifts God has given you to make a difference, and that is a good thing. Hudson is likely already starting to understand the concept of “helping,” and so this year you can start to go into how you are helping people, though he will of course understand this more as he grows older.
-Second, you are giving your family the gift of a wife and mother who has a renewed spirit. You will come back to your family refreshed from the plethora of adult conversation, rejuvenated from the creative outlet, and happy from seeing the culmination of all of your work. Where your patience was maybe wearing a bit thin before, or if there were areas where you were feeling overwhelmed with your family before, now you will come back to your family and tackle these challenges with fresh patience and fresh energy. In order to give your family your best, you have to take care of yourself and your spirit, to make sure you are at your best for them, and that is what you did.
-You also gave your husband and boys the opportunity to grow their relationships together in a one-on-one way, to give more depth to their relationship. You don’t want to be dumping your kids on your husband, but it is important that he get that alone time with your boys- they may talk about different things or do different things than they do when you are around, and that is good! It means they have their own unique and important relationship.
-You also gave your MIL and your boys that same gift of alone time to grow their relationship. These are relationships you want the boys to develop and appreciate throughout their lifetime, and the time they had to do so this week was another step in the right direction.
I get the guilt, but I think it is also important to look at how you have been able to give back to your family through this, and also how it has rejuvenated you so you can give them your best throughout the upcoming holiday season.
HeatherM,
That is such a sweet comment. I think a lot of moms could take away something valuable from what you’ve pointed out.
HeatherM, well said! And as a new mommy, I thank you.
I don’t know why, but this made me tear up. I think you put in to words what we all feel as moms…no matter what we feel like we aren’t doing enough and the guilt comes. I do think though, that this week of being busy, helping with your holiday market and giving TC some extra time with the boys will benefit everyone in the end! Your boys were probably SO HAPPY to be with their Dad and have a little change in the routine. And it’s good for TC to understand what you do every night too :). It makes you appreciate your role’s and your partner’s role. What a gift!
This time of the year can be crazy! Sometimes I feel that I’m unable to get into the spirit until the last final is graded. This was fine before I had kids, but I know that I need to be getting into earlier so that they can learn the reason for the season!
Great post – mommy guilt is just part of the job unfortunately!
I only work 3 days a week but, juggling even that work load w/ 2 little ones is hard!…..and it has gotte much harder now that my oldest has started school, dance, cheerleading, etc. It is good to have a balance between adult stuff and kid stuff too, though. The time away just makes the time together even more special! (and makes you appreciate that you don’t have to be away all the time…..or that’s how I feel!). But boy, you are right about the guilt too!! I think it’s the hardest thing I struggle w/ as a Mommy. They just grow so fast and I don’t want to miss one thing! All that being said…… I just left the Market and it looks fabulous!!!!! Best decor I’ve seen yet!!! You did an outstanding job so, be proud!!!!
That guilt is daily for me. Don’t feel bad; it’s just life. My husband takes my son to daycare and picks him up because I work crazy hours. I constantly feel guilty about my 5 month old spending 11 hours A day in daycare but unfortunately that’s our life right now.
I’m so glad you are having fun this week. I don’t know much about market week but I am enjoying reading about it!
My mom lives in Greenville and she drove all the way to Columbia for the Holiday Market and said it was FABULOUS! She bought lots of fun stuff and said the decorations were gorgeous! 🙂
I’m a teacher and my boys are 12, 10, and 6 now, but I remember when they were little and on PT conference nights when I would not get home until 8 PM, I would be so sad if the kids were already asleep. I would go into the nursery and rock my sleeping boy before I could go to bed myself. I still get upset if I get home late from something and my 6 year old is already asleep. That happened just the other night. Balancing everything is always a challenge. 🙂
I know this doesn’t really compare at all, but last week I went out to meet some coworkers afte work, missing P completely that day. I saw her wake up for about 10 minutes and then I didn’t see her again until the next morning. The following day I had plans to meet a friend after work that I ended up canceling because I just felt so guilty about not seeing P at all that day! I just couldn’t take it.